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Archive for July, 2007

I found this video named Constance by Mr. J. Medeiros. This song is a story, of a little girl exploited and sold by her own parent.
And how this little girl gets used and sold over and over again on the internet.
It’s so truthfully put and so very real. You have to listen to this!

I am so moved and full of emotion when I hear this song. I was surprised by the chorus line … so many child sexual abuse victims feel helpless and alone, so uncared for, invisible to the real world and God.

When an abused child like this is reduced to a piece of property to be used, sold and profited from… the feelings of worthlessness overcomes you, and you become desperate for love all the while knowing your not worth it.
You feel you have no right to be loved because your parents didn’t love you.

If it wasn’t for God, I would be dead.
God knew me too, and still remembers me. How thankful I am that He did, and still does!
I am not worthless to God and so He is the only one that matters!

When I was 15 yrs old my parents decided to divorce, my Mom said later it was because my dad was beating me daily, but at the time, nothing was said as to why they were getting divorced. My dad was moving out day by day into a house in town with his friend. One day he was there after school and asked to see our report cards.
When he looked at mine and realized I flunked every class his anger arose like a steam train and soon I was flying against the wall. He told my siblings to sit at the table and me too and starts in yelling at me and telling me I was stupid and worthless and forced my siblings to chime in. Two of them agreed outwardly that I was worthless and stupid.
My oldest sister just cried.

I ran away the next day with my best friend from school. We stole all the money around our houses as we could find and went to the bus station. We got a ticket each and had 14 dollars left.

We ended up in a big city, and being from a smaller town, I was amazed yet very frightened.
My friend was outgoing and friendly while I am more shy and quiet. She made friends with a guy at the bus station and pretty soon we were walking to his house.

His name was Lamont, and he lived with his grandma who was very nice. She wanted me to sit with her, and fed us chicken. After a little while we left his house, and were walking around when a car pulled up and some men called to him. My best friend and I were standing there when he turned around and said “Come on! lets go party!”
I remember feeling strange as we were sitting in the back seat. I was scared, and wondered what we would do next.
We pulled up to a house and went inside, where other men were sitting around drinking.

When I got the clear bottle handed to me I was oblivious as to what it was but drank it anyway.
It stung my throat and made me warm inside. I was sitting next to my friend and she drank some too, and then it went dark.

When I woke up I was being raped. The man on top of me was hurting me, and I remember trying to get up he held me down. When he was finished I asked to get up and he said no I must stay there or he will kill me, that I had to do as he says. I asked about my best friend he said He didn’t know. I faded in and out and when I woke up the next time another man was raping me or trying to. He had a hard time to do it and it hurt so bad I cried. He was more gentle but said I must do as I am told or the man out there would kill me.

The first man took me to a house it was all dark, and I distinctly remember a board over a door in a room, musty dark inside was boxes, and a bed. He said for me to lay there and said if I scream he will smother me with the pillow. He raped me again the pain was raw flesh bleeding… grinding against sand paper. I cried he covered my nose and mouth and raped me
most of the night and then took me out before morning and took me back to that first house.

Again I was put inside a bedroom, this time fully awake. It was a smaller room with two beds.
I waited and soon the first man came into the room and told me to take off my clothes while he watched and took them.
I was sitting there covered with a sheet when a man came in.. I said “I have to go to the bathroom!” So he went out and the first man came in and said through that door ..pointing to the another door. So I went in there and there was a key sticking out from under the knob, I turned it and saw a small window too small to climb out of!
So I opened it and screamed “HELP!!!!HELP!!!!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!HELP!!!!” because it was now or die now I had better scream!
The door started to bang, and even bend in I got to my knees and asked God to save me.
I just watched the door BANG bang bang!!
On my knees I watched the door.

It went quiet.

A small knock came to my door I said who is it?
“You can come out now”
I said “No!”
He said “It’s ok you can come out… or die in there!”
I said I needed my clothes and he said for me to open the door and he would give them to me.
I did and just a hand was there with my clothes in it.
I dressed and opened the door to see a small black man holding a pearl handled big revolver looking gun to the first rapists head. He had a handful of his hair. He was standing in the door way of the bedroom and he said “You wanna pull the trigger or want me to? I said “noo I just wanna goooo!” He motioned with his head for me to go and at the same time
he said “Go to the car in the back run out the back door!”
I ran out of the bedroom, there was the kitchen it was filthy with cockroaches swarming all over!
I screamed and seen a back door ran out and he was shortly behind me.
I jumped in his car, and he drove to a different part of the city he said he heard my screams, and came to investigate…asking me what happened.
I told him everything and he said he would see what happened to my friend in the meantime he had a couple that may take me in.
He stopped in a old neighborhood asking me to wait in the car and went to the door and turned and waved me in.

She was a nice older lady with grayish white hair and pretty thick around the middle. She was white and married to a black man. He was at work she said but I could take a bath and see about something to put on while she washed my clothes.
I was bleeding hard by the time I was out of the bathtub, she gave me some rags and told me how to use a bucket to soak them in.
I wore a housecoat, ate a warm meal and she made a bed in the dining room.
Her husband came home, he was nice and polite and brought me a pack of cigs every day.

I stayed there for two weeks. I called home on a Sunday night as my mom was having a prayer meeting …a few days later my aunt from a nearby state came to get me.

My best friend had been found the first night we went to that house and I was kidnapped… she went with the guy we met at the bus station and they got into trouble trying to steal beer.
She went to juvenile hall and was sent home.

When I arrived home, my mom didn’t want to know what happened to me. She never asked and when I told her she said “Oh you must had done some thing to deserve it!”

This is how it feels to be worthless,, to these people on earth…strangers cared for me more than my own Mother!

oh and I did repay my debts to my family that I stole from when we ran away on my own account a few years later.

Read Full Post »

I found this video named Constance by Mr. J. Medeiros. This song is a story, of a little girl exploited and sold by her own parent.
And how this little girl gets used and sold over and over again on the internet.
It’s so truthfully put and so very real. You have to listen to this!

I am so moved and full of emotion when I hear this song. I was surprised by the chorus line … so many child sexual abuse victims feel helpless and alone, so uncared for, invisible to the real world and God.

When an abused child like this is reduced to a piece of property to be used, sold and profited from… the feelings of worthlessness overcomes you, and you become desperate for love all the while knowing your not worth it.
You feel you have no right to be loved because your parents didn’t love you.

If it wasn’t for God, I would be dead.
God knew me too, and still remembers me. How thankful I am that He did, and still does!
I am not worthless to God and so He is the only one that matters!

When I was 15 yrs old my parents decided to divorce, my Mom said later it was because my dad was beating me daily, but at the time, nothing was said as to why they were getting divorced. My dad was moving out day by day into a house in town with his friend. One day he was there after school and asked to see our report cards.
When he looked at mine and realized I flunked every class his anger arose like a steam train and soon I was flying against the wall. He told my siblings to sit at the table and me too and starts in yelling at me and telling me I was stupid and worthless and forced my siblings to chime in. Two of them agreed outwardly that I was worthless and stupid.
My oldest sister just cried.

I ran away the next day with my best friend from school. We stole all the money around our houses as we could find and went to the bus station. We got a ticket each and had 14 dollars left.

We ended up in a big city, and being from a smaller town, I was amazed yet very frightened.
My friend was outgoing and friendly while I am more shy and quiet. She made friends with a guy at the bus station and pretty soon we were walking to his house.

His name was Lamont, and he lived with his grandma who was very nice. She wanted me to sit with her, and fed us chicken. After a little while we left his house, and were walking around when a car pulled up and some men called to him. My best friend and I were standing there when he turned around and said “Come on! lets go party!”
I remember feeling strange as we were sitting in the back seat. I was scared, and wondered what we would do next.
We pulled up to a house and went inside, where other men were sitting around drinking.

When I got the clear bottle handed to me I was oblivious as to what it was but drank it anyway.
It stung my throat and made me warm inside. I was sitting next to my friend and she drank some too, and then it went dark.

When I woke up I was being raped. The man on top of me was hurting me, and I remember trying to get up he held me down. When he was finished I asked to get up and he said no I must stay there or he will kill me, that I had to do as he says. I asked about my best friend he said He didn’t know. I faded in and out and when I woke up the next time another man was raping me or trying to. He had a hard time to do it and it hurt so bad I cried. He was more gentle but said I must do as I am told or the man out there would kill me.

The first man took me to a house it was all dark, and I distinctly remember a board over a door in a room, musty dark inside was boxes, and a bed. He said for me to lay there and said if I scream he will smother me with the pillow. He raped me again the pain was raw flesh bleeding… grinding against sand paper. I cried he covered my nose and mouth and raped me
most of the night and then took me out before morning and took me back to that first house.

Again I was put inside a bedroom, this time fully awake. It was a smaller room with two beds.
I waited and soon the first man came into the room and told me to take off my clothes while he watched and took them.
I was sitting there covered with a sheet when a man came in.. I said “I have to go to the bathroom!” So he went out and the first man came in and said through that door ..pointing to the another door. So I went in there and there was a key sticking out from under the knob, I turned it and saw a small window too small to climb out of!
So I opened it and screamed “HELP!!!!HELP!!!!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!HELP!!!!” because it was now or die now I had better scream!
The door started to bang, and even bend in I got to my knees and asked God to save me.
I just watched the door BANG bang bang!!
On my knees I watched the door.

It went quiet.

A small knock came to my door I said who is it?
“You can come out now”
I said “No!”
He said “It’s ok you can come out… or die in there!”
I said I needed my clothes and he said for me to open the door and he would give them to me.
I did and just a hand was there with my clothes in it.
I dressed and opened the door to see a small black man holding a pearl handled big revolver looking gun to the first rapists head. He had a handful of his hair. He was standing in the door way of the bedroom and he said “You wanna pull the trigger or want me to? I said “noo I just wanna goooo!” He motioned with his head for me to go and at the same time
he said “Go to the car in the back run out the back door!”
I ran out of the bedroom, there was the kitchen it was filthy with cockroaches swarming all over!
I screamed and seen a back door ran out and he was shortly behind me.
I jumped in his car, and he drove to a different part of the city he said he heard my screams, and came to investigate…asking me what happened.
I told him everything and he said he would see what happened to my friend in the meantime he had a couple that may take me in.
He stopped in a old neighborhood asking me to wait in the car and went to the door and turned and waved me in.

She was a nice older lady with grayish white hair and pretty thick around the middle. She was white and married to a black man. He was at work she said but I could take a bath and see about something to put on while she washed my clothes.
I was bleeding hard by the time I was out of the bathtub, she gave me some rags and told me how to use a bucket to soak them in.
I wore a housecoat, ate a warm meal and she made a bed in the dining room.
Her husband came home, he was nice and polite and brought me a pack of cigs every day.

I stayed there for two weeks. I called home on a Sunday night as my mom was having a prayer meeting …a few days later my aunt from a nearby state came to get me.

My best friend had been found the first night we went to that house and I was kidnapped… she went with the guy we met at the bus station and they got into trouble trying to steal beer.
She went to juvenile hall and was sent home.

When I arrived home, my mom didn’t want to know what happened to me. She never asked and when I told her she said “Oh you must had done some thing to deserve it!”

This is how it feels to be worthless,, to these people on earth…strangers cared for me more than my own Mother!

oh and I did repay my debts to my family that I stole from when we ran away on my own account a few years later.

Read Full Post »

I found this video named Constance by Mr. J. Medeiros. This song is a story, of a little girl exploited and sold by her own parent.
And how this little girl gets used and sold over and over again on the internet.
It’s so truthfully put and so very real. You have to listen to this!

I am so moved and full of emotion when I hear this song. I was surprised by the chorus line … so many child sexual abuse victims feel helpless and alone, so uncared for, invisible to the real world and God.

When an abused child like this is reduced to a piece of property to be used, sold and profited from… the feelings of worthlessness overcomes you, and you become desperate for love all the while knowing your not worth it.
You feel you have no right to be loved because your parents didn’t love you.

If it wasn’t for God, I would be dead.
God knew me too, and still remembers me. How thankful I am that He did, and still does!
I am not worthless to God and so He is the only one that matters!

When I was 15 yrs old my parents decided to divorce, my Mom said later it was because my dad was beating me daily, but at the time, nothing was said as to why they were getting divorced. My dad was moving out day by day into a house in town with his friend. One day he was there after school and asked to see our report cards.
When he looked at mine and realized I flunked every class his anger arose like a steam train and soon I was flying against the wall. He told my siblings to sit at the table and me too and starts in yelling at me and telling me I was stupid and worthless and forced my siblings to chime in. They agreed outwardly that I was worthless and stupid.
My oldest sister just cried.

I ran away the next day with my best friend from school. We stole all the money around our houses as we could find and went to the bus station. We got a ticket each and had 14 dollars left.

We ended up in a big city, and being from a smaller town, I was amazed yet very frightened.
My friend was outgoing and friendly while I am more shy and quiet. She made friends with a guy at the bus station and pretty soon we were walking to his house.

He lived with his grandma who was very nice. She wanted me to sit with her, and fed us chicken. After a little while we left his house, and were walking around when a car pulled up and some men called to him. My best friend and I were standing there when he turned around and said “Come on! lets go party!”
I remember feeling strange as we were sitting in the back seat. I was scared, and wondered what we would do next.
We pulled up to a house and went inside, where other men were sitting around drinking.

When I got the clear bottle handed to me I was oblivious as to what it was but drank it anyway.
It stung my throat and made me warm inside. I was sitting next to my friend and she drank some too, and then it went dark.

When I woke up I was being raped. The man on top of me was hurting me, and I remember trying to get up he held me down. When he was finished I asked to get up and he said no I must stay there or he will kill me, that I had to do as he says. I asked about my best friend he said He didn’t know. I faded in and out and when I woke up the next time another man was raping me or trying to. He had a hard time to do it and it hurt so bad I cried. He was more gentle but said I must do as I am told or the man out there would kill me.

The first man took me to a house it was all dark, and I distinctly remember a board over a door in a room, musty dark inside was boxes, and a bed. He said for me to lay there and said if I scream he will smother me with the pillow. He raped me again the pain was raw flesh bleeding… grinding against sand paper. I cried he covered my nose and mouth and raped me
most of the night and then took me out before morning and took me back to that first house.

Again I was put inside a bedroom, this time fully awake. It was a smaller room with two beds.
I waited and soon the first man came into the room and told me to take off my clothes while he watched and took them.
I was sitting there covered with a sheet when a man came in.. I said “I have to go to the bathroom!” So he went out and the first man came in and said through that door ..pointing to the another door. So I went in there and there was a key sticking out from under the knob, I turned it and saw a small window too small to climb out of!
So I opened it and screamed “HELP!!!!HELP!!!!!!!!!HELP!!!!!!HELP!!!!” because it was now or die now I had better scream!
The door started to bang, and even bend in I got to my knees and asked God to save me.
I just watched to door BANG bang bang!!
On my knees I watched the door.

It went quiet.

A small knock came to my door I said who is it?
“You can come out now”
I said “No!”
He said “It’s ok you can come out… or die in there!”
I said I needed my clothes and he said for me to open the door and he would give them to me.
I did and just a hand was there with my clothes in it.
I dressed and opened the door to see a small black man holding a pearl handled big revolver looking gun to the first rapists head. He had a handful of his hair. He was standing in the door way of the bedroom and he said “You wanna pull the trigger or want me to? I said “noo I just wanna goooo!” He motioned with his head for me to go and at the same time
he said “Go to the car in the back run out the back door!”
I ran out of the bedroom, there was the kitchen it was filthy with cockroaches swarming all over!
I screamed and seen a back door ran out and he was shortly behind me.
I jumped in his car, and he drove to a different part of the city he said he heard my screams, and came to investigate…asking me what happened.
I told him everything and he said he would see what happened to my friend in the meantime he had a couple that may take me in.
He stopped in a old neighborhood asking me to wait in the car and went to the door and turned and waved me in.

She was a nice older lady with grayish white hair and pretty thick around the middle. She was white and married to a black man. He was at work she said but I could take a bath and see about something to put on while she washed my clothes.
I was bleeding hard by the time I was out of the bathtub, she gave me some rags and told me how to use a bucket to soak them in.
I wore a housecoat, ate a warm meal and she made a bed in the dining room.
Her husband came home, he was nice and polite and brought me a pack of cigs every day.

I stayed there for two weeks. I called home on a Sunday night as my mom was having a prayer meeting …a few days later my aunt from a nearby state came to get me.

My best friend had been found the first night we went to that house and I was kidnapped… she went with the guy we met at the bus station and they got into trouble trying to steal beer.
She went to juvenile hall and was sent home.

When I arrived home, my mom didn’t want to know what happened to me. She never asked and when I told her she said “Oh you must had done some thing to deserve it!”

This is how it feels to be worthless,, to these people on earth…strangers cared for me more than my own Mother!

oh and I did repay my debts to my family that I stole from when we ran away on my own account a few years later.

Read Full Post »

are mad at me….Stevie please write more creative stories for us to read this really cracked me up!

Especially this one….

Vomiting Leech, is a rather dim bulb, I’m affraid.

Here again… we have the pedophile showing no emotion towards a victim of sexual abuse.
Blaming the victim, ignoring the victim is a pedophile trait, we all know that by now.

See pedophiles are mad at me because I post the truth, and they lie.

We must make them acknowledge what they have done wrong and condone for their actions!
One way would be for them to be made to pay more out of pocket every month or go back to prison!
If they are on the sex offender registry then they must pay an amount to a fund-and that would be separate from their parole or probation fees.
This money would be distributed to victims in need. Many victims of childhood abuse are in need!! Many survivors could use a little help to get them through!

Read Full Post »

are mad at me….Stevie please write more creative stories for us to read this really cracked me up!

Especially this one….

Vomiting Leech, is a rather dim bulb, I’m affraid.

Here again… we have the pedophile showing no emotion towards a victim of sexual abuse.
Blaming the victim, ignoring the victim is a pedophile trait, we all know that by now.

See pedophiles are mad at me because I post the truth, and they lie.

We must make them acknowledge what they have done wrong and condone for their actions!
One way would be for them to be made to pay more out of pocket every month or go back to prison!
If they are on the sex offender registry then they must pay an amount to a fund-and that would be separate from their parole or probation fees.
This money would be distributed to victims in need. Many victims of childhood abuse are in need!! Many survivors could use a little help to get them through!

Read Full Post »

are mad at me….Stevie please write more creative stories for us to read this really cracked me up!

Especially this one….

Vomiting Leech, is a rather dim bulb, I’m affraid.

Here again… we have the pedophile showing no emotion towards a victim of sexual abuse.
Blaming the victim, ignoring the victim is a pedophile trait, we all know that by now.

See pedophiles are mad at me because I post the truth, and they lie.

We must make them acknowledge what they have done wrong and condone for their actions!
One way would be for them to be made to pay more out of pocket every month or go back to prison!
If they are on the sex offender registry then they must pay an amount to a fund-and that would be separate from their parole or probation fees.
This money would be distributed to victims in need. Many victims of childhood abuse are in need!! Many survivors could use a little help to get them through!

Read Full Post »

The pedophile’s

are mad at me….Stevie please write more creative stories for us to read this really cracked me up!

Especially this one….

Vomiting Leech, is a rather dim bulb, I’m affraid.

Here again… we have the pedophile showing no emotion towards a victim of sexual abuse.
Blaming the victim, ignoring the victim is a pedophile trait, we all know that by now.

See pedophiles are mad at me because I post the truth, and they lie.

We must make them acknowledge what they have done wrong and condone for their actions!
One way would be for them to be made to pay more out of pocket every month or go back to prison!
If they are on the sex offender registry then they must pay an amount to a fund-and that would be separate from their parole or probation fees.
This money would be distributed to victims in need. Many victims of childhood abuse are in need!! Many survivors could use a little help to get them through!

Read Full Post »

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