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Archive for February, 2009

I can’t sleep. Can’t fall asleep. Can’t stay asleep.

My anxiety about not being able to go to sleep is overwhelming.

I want to sleep.

One night I was awoken at approximately 3am to the knowledge someone was trying to take my blankets off.

I knew who they were when I saw their face

although the face was someone I had never met.

They were trying to get me to get up and do something.
I had to do something.

Nothing more annoying than being woke up by an invisible spirit for a job and yet cannot get the message of what that job is.

Call me a nut call me a fruitcake.

I might agree.

I got out of bed the next morning to a message on the phone left at 9 am
“Wilma died last night”.

I went to the window and looked down the mountain towards Wilma’s house.
She was old and a very sweet lady.

She was buried next to my Mother a few days later.

Is the Earth an aching empty belly begging for flesh to filled its depth?

Do spirits remember their night of suffering laboring breath while the flesh gives way letting go finally to release the energy that once was you?

I held Mother’s hand and promised to hand her to Jesus.

All the hours hearing her labored breath
wondering if she was aware
I was there
the deep pains filling and refilling the wounds
I had to let go
of her.
It was final
even this would be dismissed.

Her legacies written with invisible ink
yet
told by unknown people who were too busy to attend her funeral.

~She didn’t want to see them before she died
-she didn’t want them hovering over her
-sad eyes
-entertainment
-she was ashamed
we all are as we face God~

Legacy of love:
being loved and forgiven
then loved again.

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I can’t sleep. Can’t fall asleep. Can’t stay asleep.

My anxiety about not being able to go to sleep is overwhelming.

I want to sleep.

One night I was awoken at approximately 3am to the knowledge someone was trying to take my blankets off.

I knew who they were when I saw their face

although the face was someone I had never met.

They were trying to get me to get up and do something.
I had to do something.

Nothing more annoying than being woke up by an invisible spirit for a job and yet cannot get the message of what that job is.

Call me a nut call me a fruitcake.

I might agree.

I got out of bed the next morning to a message on the phone left at 9 am
“Wilma died last night”.

I went to the window and looked down the mountain towards Wilma’s house.
She was old and a very sweet lady.

She was buried next to my Mother a few days later.

Is the Earth an aching empty belly begging for flesh to filled its depth?

Do spirits remember their night of suffering laboring breath while the flesh gives way letting go finally to release the energy that once was you?

I held Mother’s hand and promised to hand her to Jesus.

All the hours hearing her labored breath
wondering if she was aware
I was there
the deep pains filling and refilling the wounds
I had to let go
of her.
It was final
even this would be dismissed.

Her legacies written with invisible ink
yet
told by unknown people who were too busy to attend her funeral.

~She didn’t want to see them before she died
-she didn’t want them hovering over her
-sad eyes
-entertainment
-she was ashamed
we all are as we face God~

Legacy of love:
being loved and forgiven
then loved again.

Read Full Post »